I think eHarmony commercials are really icky. Watching sappy couples chastely paw at each other while waxing syrupy about how their souls connected online just makes me want to puke.
I can't be the only one who feels this way.
I don't remember exactly when I first saw one of these oddly exhibitionist commercials, but I was instantly uncomfortable with the earnestly giddy, loving, glassy-eyed couples featured in the ads. "Oooh the first time we kissed--it was WOW, like fireworks going off!"
Um, how about shutting up now? Because we don't care about you or your love-life.
Things only get worse when eHarmony's cheesy animatronic founder appears in the ads to tout his company's use of "29 proven dimensions of compatibility." Why not 30 dimensions while you're at it? Or 73?
And what method was used to "prove" these dimensions? One wonders. Were any electrodes attached to men's weenies to measure arousal? I suspect not. Because we're not talking about sex here, we're talking about Hallmark card level expressions of LOVE.
I mean honestly. Just look at the vapid joy on the gleaming faces of these lovie-dovies. Yuck.
All that gushy yet boring emoting felt creepily Christian to me, quite honestly, so it was no surprise when I learned that Neil Clark Warren has strong ties to the execrable James Dobson and his legions of bigoted followers. That, of course, explains why gay singles aren't welcome at eHarmony. (Just "ex-gays", one assumes--or maybe even not them, because everyone knows how well de-gaying works...)
It's all so gaggingly wholesome. It makes me crave a commercial where two burly biker men stop tongue-kissing just long enough to tell us how they first met through a glory-hole in the bathroom of an interstate rest-stop. Ah, that would cleanse the sickly eHarmony sweetness off my palate...
Oh one more thing--there also seems to be some element of time travel involved in the eHarmony system. Take a look at the picture at the top of this post. Don't those dates suggest that this couple met each other six months after they married?
All things are possible in Christ, I guess.