Our heroes confront the forces of evil
After reveling in the rich history of Minneapolis at the Mill City Museum on Saturday, Darren and headed downtown to check into our hotel.
I'm not sure why it hadn't occurred to me that every major hotel in the metro (not just in St. Paul) would be jam-packed with Republicans in town for the Republican National Convention.
Oh foolish, naive WG.
There they were: a drab sea of puffed-up morons in anti-Obama T-shirts infesting Minneapolis in their thousands. We arrived at the Marquette to find that the Alabama delegation would be our neighbors for the night.
Goodness gracious, were they ever a chilling sight! Big hair, big guts, thick accents, and oh so much red white and blue.
When Darren and I checked in at the desk, a sweet but harried-looking young gay fellow apologized for the elephantine chaos in the lobby.
"The good news is that the bars are open until 4:00 a.m. while they're in town, and these people aren't likely to be the bars I go to." (Well, with some notable exceptions.)
Then, out of the goodness of his heart our young friend upgraded us to an executive level room on the seventeenth floor. It seemed to be his way of apologizing for the grim evangelical corpulence that threatened to enveloped us.
What a nice gay boy he was!
After luxuriating in our splendidly appointed room for a time and resting our weary feet, we headed back into the streets and strolled a few blocks to have our dinner.
That walk was rather terrifying because the walkways were so heavily infested with out-of-town GOP riffraff. Walking amongst them, I recalled the Shaun of the Dead scene in which Shaun and his band of survivors shamble and moan as they walk past the zombies, hoping to pass for zombies and escape being torn limb from limb.
We didn't actually mimic the foul creatures around us (e.g. by talking loudly about protecting sanctity of marriage or ranting about "the hoax" of global warming), and truthfully, no one accosted us. Nonetheless, I was very relieved when we reached the safe haven of Solera, where we enjoyed strong cocktails and excellent tapas.
The return to the hotel was also perilous, and only our catlike reflexes and homo-ninja fighting skills allowed us to reach our room safely.
It was a huge relief to return to the relatively liberal (at least this week) suburbs. I hope never again to see the fair city of Minneapolis so foully besmirched.