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July 04, 2011



Sorry, I just found this blog...and I also went through the same thing four years ago (except again, the relationship was much shorter...a mere two years). Unlike a previous poster, I don't think you'll heal from a 14 year relationship in six months. It took me a good two or three to recover from my relatively short relationship because I was absolutely smitten.

I see my faults a little more clearly now, but I think it's important for the other person to communicate his feelings, too, and not wait until he suddenly reaches a threshold and "dumps you." Quite honestly, I don't get the "I've fallen out of love" comment. When my ex told me he no longer loved me, and had hidden those lost feelings of caring six months previous to the break-up, I was completely in shock.

For me, a relationship is a serious thing and love goes beyond a feeling. I think your feelings of helplessness may continue for some time. It's only been in the past year or two, after my ex has not only found someone new, but married him, that I feel "over" it. By over it, I don't mean that I stopped caring for him, but that I realized I underestimated his needs and that he must have secretly had completely different ideas about love and relationships than I did. In which case, I'm very glad he found the man of his dreams and wish him the best.



I'm so sorry to read of your hurt & disappointment... Life surely has pain as well as joy. The good news is, there's one constant in this life... CHANGE. No one likes it, but still it comes. No matter where you are today, time keeps passing & seasons change. Even the earth turns over every twenty-four hours. When you are hurting, this can be a comforting thought!

It won't be like this always. The same capacity to love that brought you into this fourteen year relationship is "still there," inside your heart. It might be a bit trampled on at the moment, but never underestimate the human heart. :-) HUG



I am so sorry you are hurting.


Just when I return from a hiatus from your world...this is what I'm faced with...just can't believe it...so very sorry this has happened. My partner and I have been together for a very long time and we have moments of yelling and hugging, but would never go that next step because we respect each other... differences in many ways...that's why we tick. Get through this next period and move on. You don't know me from Adam but take care of yourself.


Thanks so much!


I am so sorry. This always hurts, and it seems even more so when you don't see it coming.

Sending thoughts and prayers your way.

Claus Gurumeta

Sorry to hear that. Completely shocked (how could I not, if you are) about this. I know I'm about to say a total cliche, but you're much better off without him, and I will tell you why:

I went through a similar circumstance last October; eerily similar in fact. The main difference is that my relationship was four years, not fourteen. The second main difference is that my ex was you, and I was the one to end things.
I'm not going to glorify myself, and not going to go into my long story, but long story short, I know that, even though Justin (my ex) didn't read the signs, and was shocked and heart broken when things ended, he is a much happier person now.

Why? Because when you spend that long in a relationship you begin to lose sight of yourself, especially when you go into the relationship at a younger age, before you fully even mold the person you can become. You compromise so much that you often end up neglecting your true calling in many ways, and often disregard your own dreams in pursuit of a life with your partner.

As I said, I'm not saying I'm the good guy for ending my relationship, but I can tell you that, yes, I am much happier now than I was for the last year or so together, and you know what? So is he! He is happy, successful, and following the dreams he wanted to follow, manynof which I selfishly held him back from.

And the best part, even though the first six months after the breakup were confusing and hurtful, we are now friends again, and we can communicate in a much better level and accept each other much better than we did in our relationship.

Yes, its going to hurt as if there was no end. But this comment will make more sense in six months time. You are a wonderful man with a great personality and I have no doubt you will find happiness again.

For now I am shocked and saddened by the news though, and even though this makes little difference, I am here for you


I'm so sorry Sean. Reading your blog made me feel like I do know you and I can feel the hurt for you. Big Big Hug!


Sending strength your way! Hope that things get easier as the days pass by.......


Thanks for the kind and supportive comments! I needed to start writing before my head exploded.

Troy Henshaw

Thinking of you as well. And I am so sorry. I went through something similar and just as abrupt. Hang in there, it will get better. Let your friends help, and keep writing here so your virtual friends can help too.

Nigel Pottle

It's not your fault! Just finished a great book that tells you why it's not your fault. It's The Velvet Rage by Alan Downs, and talks about why we gay men have such difficulty in relationships. Honest, please read it. I think you will find lots in it to support you after what's happened. My therapist recommended it.

And It's really not your fault. Big hugs for you.


Honey, I'm so sad for you. Big hugs. One little piece of advice -- one day at a time, just an hour at a time if that's what it takes. Glad you are getting counseling.


I love that you are writing again, Sean. Your writing is so smooth, beautiful & effortless. Apply some of your talent to writing the next chapter in your life, and you will dazzle... I have no doubt in my mind. Be patient and loving with yourself, and you'll come out on the other side with a new love and zest for life. I promise... I'm living proof.


You'll make it through. It's going to suck and it's going to hurt like hell for a long time and, even when you think things are on the upswing, the emotional rollercoaster is going to go careening down into another valley, but you will do it. I know you can.


Oh my God! I'm so sorry.


thinking of you! *hugs* :(

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