WoolGatherer

 
 Young AND furry. Sigh...

 
I really wore this poor boy out...

An update from the broken hearts ward

Hi there. I wanted to just let you know that I'm still here, and I'm and doing much better than three weeks ago when Darren first left me. (I've turned out to be less of a wimp than I thought I was. LOL)

Many thanks to those of you who have reached out to me and offered words of love and support. I've been so glad for all the hugs I've received, both virtual and in person. I wouldn't have made it through these horrible weeks without you. Keep the good thoughts coming, if you would be so kind.

So here's where things stand.

• Darren has been living in an extended stay hotel for the past two weeks and will continue to do so. The house seems unbearably empty without him, but it's far worse when he's here to pick up clothes or some other such brief errand. Seeing him is agony.
• We have started couples therapy, but from the outset, Darren has been clear that he has no interest in continuing our relationship. We will not be reconciling, and he has already started dating. So, as painful as it is for me to say, our relationship has reached its end. Now our focus is on working to bring closure to our 14 years together, to stay respectful of each other while we prepare to start new lives. Darren is excited at the prospect; I am heartbroken. Either way, there is much to decide--the house, shared finances, and so on.
• Our therapist is guiding this painful process, and I will be hiring a lawyer to make sure my interests are protected. I don't believe he would cheat me, but I don't feel that I know him anymore, either. He and I are also seeing therapists of our own. I will be learning to kick ass. Watch for it.
• We haven't decided what's happening with the house yet, but I will likely be moving out around the first of the year, once I'm recovered from my next leg surgery, which I'm having on August 31.

I guess that's all there is to say. This is the saddest time in my life apart from the death of my mother, but then, as now, I'm incredibly grateful for my wonderful friends and family.

"Could you please pause the TV for a minute?"

Those seemingly mundane words were the last that Darren ever spoke to me as my partner.

The next words out of his mouth were, "I have to tell you that I don't love you anymore, and I'm ending our relationship."

And just like that, 14 years with the man I loved more than life itself came to an abrupt, excrutiating end.

Not so abrupt for him, of course. He told me as I sat in sick, mute horror that he'd been feeling this way for a year or more--gradually growing more distant from me emotionally, sexually.

But for more the last 18 months, I've had a broken leg, and I was trying to heal from two botched ankle surgeries. I wasn't really picking up on subliminals too well.

My bad.

Did I miss signs of his discontent? I'm sure I did. But there certainly weren't many. True, we'd had two (as in exactly 1 more than 1) conversations since Christmas in which he stated that he wasn't as happy as he'd like to be. But there was no hint that he was looking for an out, eager to pull the plug on us after so many years.

So. He moved out a week ago. Much remains to be decided. There's the house, shared finances, and Hudson, who still waits in vain by the back door for his other dad to come home in the evening.

All relationships, especially ones as long as ours had been, go through rough patches. I felt we could work out our problems. But now that's a moot point. We're in counseling with a really smart, no-nonsnse therapist whom we both really like. But our goal isn't reconciliation.

It was MY goal, mind you. But he's not having any of it. Apparently there are great new adventures to be had.

Without me.

With new men.

So, we work now to bring the swiftest, least destructive end to the relationship I had thought would sustain me until I died. And though I feel as though I have died, it appears I will go on living.

Now, the question is simply, "How?"

 
Yes please.